David Guinness

RoseEmma, structure isn't stupid. Structure is important to a poem, no matter the poem's purpose. It really is quite distracting to the reader with different line lengths. Especially with a ...

Hi faith, I enjoyed reading this poem. I like the title. Could "I want your words," possibly be on one line? This would even out the flow a bit. Let ...

I refer you simply to my other post on a similar topic. While you're there, please read Dream Deep's as well. Poor_Imp's right; there's nothing else to say.

Sharty, there's no need to be defensive or condescending. By posting your work, you implicitly request our opinions and advice to improve your writing. When several people agree on the ...

Hi Cameron, You show good promise as a poet. Of your work I've read, this is one of my favorites. However, occurring in most of your work are the same ...

This poem is beautifully written, Brad. The word choice is exquisite. I particularly like the mirror between "orchard yard" and "apple-sweet kisses." Some of the line breaks didn't feel quite ...

This poem is pretty to read. Most of the line breaks are okay, but you're still missing punctuation in several places, which makes it difficult to read. The reader should ...

I agree with Snoink about the line breaks. Read it aloud, and when you come to a natural break, hit ENTER and start a new line. An even quicker way ...

It's great, Snoink. It reminds me of an old "Beverly band" recording I once heard. And so I thart a little think That thart so I was thinking But thartting ...

Welcome to YWS, Raven! It's interesting... I felt frustration when reading, similar to the frustration the narrator feels, but probably not for a reason you would prefer. For seventeen lines, ...

This contains a bit of novelty, simply by the setting, but for all intents and purposes...has none.. :) (As Reicheru said) It ends too suddenly, without establishing anything, really. Using ...

Hello Searria! I know there's quite a delay in posting, but... Here goes... I enjoyed reading this! You show a great deal of potential as a writer. Mostly what you ...

Good poem. I really don't have any critiques. :shock: :D

I hope you don't mind my commenting... :D First, I agree with all JigSaw said, even now. Second, Good descriptions of blood and gore and things! (I know this because ...

It's a nice poem. I think you might play around with the wording in the third verse to see if you can create a little more of a flow. So ...